I like advent.  Each year I find myself naturally pondering what Christmas is all about.  What is it that's worth celebrating?  Each year advent and Christmas come, each year I think about the same simple story and each year I'm left awestruck. 
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Grace
The free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

•  a divinely given talent or blessing.
• the condition or fact of being favoured by someone.

​You may have heard it described more simply as 'Getting what you don't deserve'.  As I think about advent while working on a body of work I've titled Infinite Grace, the magnitude of God's grace that is described in the gospel reverberates and overwhelms me.

This body of work explores the tension and relationships between soul, spirit, truth, emotion and the physical.  I feel frustrated because sometimes my emotions don't well reflect what I know to be true.  In fact, often my emotions describe the very opposite and it's difficult to say why.  I should be bursting with joy knowing that God gave his son, Jesus, into this world to die in our place, knowing that just by believing in him we can be forgiven of all sin and have a friendship with God.  Truth states that because of Jesus, I'm welcomed to be part of God's family - to be his child!  I know this and yet sometimes I just feel bad inside and it manifests physically; I can't breathe.  I can't sleep.  My heart races.  The cause of these emotions can be known or unknown to me but because the truth never changes, my spirit knows that no matter what circumstance I face I can be at peace, I can have joy and I can have freedom.  Jesus assures us in the gospel of John: "...in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  So why do I feel downcast?

When truth and emotion are at odds in this way, tension builds.  It's very confusing because emotions are real, they're true in their existence.  If I'm not careful new thoughts build on the emotions and their destination is not truth.  You feel this way because you're weak.  You have little faith.  You've messed up.  You're never going to be ok.  You're no use.  You're too far gone.  You're unfix-able.  You deserve it.  You can't do anything.  You're a failure.

These thoughts are not a straight forward battle because they cannot all be dismissed as outright lies.  After all, I am weak and I have messed up.  Unlike the whole truth of the gospel, these thoughts tie easily to the negative emotions I already carried inside and as they do they bring increase, doubt and become very heavy indeed.  The key to freedom lies in realising these internal thoughts which have built homes in emotion may on occasion speak some truth but they certainly do not tell the whole truth!  They fail to mention the full fact that yes, we are weak but this is not a bad thing for God tells us his power is made perfect in weakness!  And the voice that reminds us that we have failed omits the fact that God's mercies are new every day.

Somehow by grace God carries me to the other side of these internal storms, untying lies and deceit from emotion and strengthening my spirit within me.  The conflict isn't easy and I wonder if it will ever really stop while I live in this earthly body of dust.

The wonder of advent and the gospel strikes hard as I consider these ongoing internal battles.  My weakness and humanity more glaring than ever and yet God responds to our shortcomings with unending grace.  He chose to save us and he chooses to use us.  He's fully aware of how weak and easily swayed we are.  He sees us tripping over constantly whether by action or internal musing yet he never gives up on us, rather he gives us himself. 
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"The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him
Immanuel" (which means "God with us").

- Matthew 1:23

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"Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

​- Matthew 28:18-20

​How can we respond to such a thing?  What choice do we have but to give him praise.

The above image is an extract from my sketchbook.  Though rough, I like it as a portrayal of internal growth.  Sometimes the most dramatic changes that we go through in life are not visible on the outside.  Our thinking changes, a layer comes off and yet from the outside we look just the same as we did yesterday.

I've shed many skins over the years.  Old ways of thinking that led to actions I'd probably not choose now.  It's hard not to look back over them and feel regret.  From where I stand now, all these layers down, the skins that I shed look like wasted years.  But regret isn't as hopeless as it feels, it could even be quite the opposite.  When we recognise what we could have done better, doesn't it show there has been growth?

As I look with despair at the skins I shed, I often wonder what God sees.  His thoughts are not my thoughts.  Could it be that he is more interested in what each falling layer reveals than the lifeless layers that have now passed?  I suspect that he looks deep, even under layers that haven't been removed yet and he delights in the unveiling and unveiled.  

He knew the end from the beginning and he knew the layers in between.  When I look in my sketchbook at this simple idea that is still in such raw stages of development, I am reminded...

I'm very excited to announce that one of my paintings has been longlisted for the Jackson's Open Painting Prize 2018!  Longlisted artworks are now open to public voting giving them the chance to win the People's Choice Award while judges work to draw up a shortlist.  I encourage you to check out the artworks which have made it this far and to vote for your favourite.  I hope you enjoy browsing through the entries and I'd like to give an extra special thanks to anyone who chooses to support my work in this way.   To vote, please click here.

The Painting that I submitted is titled Holy and was created as part of a series of works which explore aspects and qualities of the nature of God.  When I painted this particular piece I was contemplating God's holiness, purity and what it means that he is triune.  When considering these qualities we immediately become aware of how they contrast with the fallen world and our human nature. It would be easy to put distance between God and ourselves, for who is there like him? Holiness itself means 'set apart'. However, the gospel is that though God is holy and as humans we do fall short, he loves us unconditionally and longs to walk in relationship with us and this is made possible through Jesus. When creating this image which focuses on these attributes I felt it was important to do so in such a way that also expresses something of his closeness and warmth.

 In Holy, the colour white is symbolic of God's purity and holiness and the single piece of ribbon which has been gently rolled to form three fully connected sections is reminiscent of the trinity.  The hands holding the ribbon again echo the wholeness and unity of the trinity as they gently encapsulate the threefold ribbon.  I feel the hands also bring a sense of warmth to the overall image reminding us of God's loving nature as well as reminding us of his connection with humanity and his desire to walk in close relationship with us.

Thanks again to all who take time to cast a vote!

I have recently rediscovered my love of sewing with a sewing machine.  Due to the way some Cafe Bless International projects are developing, I have been lead to dust off my sewing machine and begin relearning how to use it all over again.  It has been years.  We will soon have a small base from which Cafe Bless will be able to run regular craft workshops and having a base of our own means we will be able to store and set up items for use that, up to this point, we haven't been able to.  The list could include items like sewing machines and an iron, meaning that we could increase the creative learning opportunities that we can offer as well as teaching larger projects.  It's a very exciting turn of events but in order to teach others how to confidently use a sewing machine, you have to be very confident using one yourself!