In the studio: The Gardener is my confidence and success

"The ones who do the planting or watering aren't important, 
but God is important because he is the one who makes the seed grow."  
1 Corinthians 3:7

As I worked in the garden uprooting the weeds I began to think of what could be planted in their place.  I kept thinking about vegetables but continually dismissed these thoughts as I felt they would be too difficult for me at this stage...I still didn't have much experience growing flowers, never mind something which would go on to be consumed!  However, it seemed that God had a different idea.  The next day I received an unexpected parcel in the post and would you believe what was in it?  Six packets of vegetable seeds!  The seeds were sent from a friend who had no idea I had recently taken an interest in gardening and certainly didn't know I had been thinking about planting vegetables!  I was amazed.

I decided that this was surely an encouragement from God so I decided "why not, if they grow they grow, if not, they don't."  I began to read about the various plants, when should each one be sown?  What sort of growing conditions do they need?  Do I need to buy any materials?  I read many tutorials and watched several videos about the different plants until I began to feel like I might have a clue what to do, then off I trotted to the garden center.  I felt like such a fraud walking around in there and was nervous in case anyone asked what I was going to do with the goods that I bought.  But nobody was suspicious and seemed to think it was completely natural that I should be in such a shop, buying such tools, despite how foreign the experience felt to me.

I came home and planted the seeds in their various containers, following the guidelines I had previously researched.  Then I waited.  I was amazed as I realised just how lacking in confidence I was that any of the seeds would grow.  Would they really not grow just because it was my hand that placed them in the soil?  Did I believe they would grow if anyone else had been the one to place them in the soil?  I saw how ridiculous it was that I seemed to believe these thoughts.  I then became aware of how I had allowed these kinds of doubts to take root in my heart in regards to pretty much anything I put my hand to in life!  I suddenly became aware of how I felt scared to plant anything in this world for fear that it wouldn't grow.  Any ministry or good work that had potential to bear good fruit, I seemed to be looking at it through eyes that predicted failure before the vision had gone anywhere beyond my barriers of my mind.  These thoughts of failure seemed to be purely based on the idea that if my hand was involved, it would surely fail.  But would these ideas or visions succeed if anyone else was involved rather than me?  Probably.  I saw what a ridiculous mindset this was and wondered how I had lived life believing these lies, and wondered where they had come from in the first place!  I recognised that I had been putting faith in myself, rather than in God.  I repented of this and thanked him that the lies are not true.  I prayed that he would grow the plants and that I would see them bear fruit, just as I pray that he will grow the good work that comes from the 'spiritual seeds' that he gives me to plant in this world and that these projects and works will also bear good fruit, all for his glory.

Now there is a lot to be said about what happened with the seeds between sowing and harvesting them, but I will touch on that in a different post.  For now, I want to skip right to the end and talk about the outcome.

The seeds grew into plants.  I was so amazed and excited when I saw the first tiny bit of green appear above the surface of the soil that initially I said "That's satisfying enough for me!"  I thought it was successful enough just that they didn't refuse to grow at all or die before they started.  I quickly realised that my old mindset of failure was trying to sneak back in.  Yes the plants had sprouted, but that is not where the story was supposed to end - it was just the beginning!  I decided to keep putting my confidence in God and felt that if I continued my responsibility of caring for the plants and watering them when necessary, God would do the rest, and in his hands they really could go on to produce a harvest!

A few weeks later and the radishes were due to be ready.  I pulled them up and beheld a glorious sight!  The tiny seeds I had placed into the soil weeks before really had really turned into radishes - praise the Lord!  I took them into the house and washed and prepared them appropriately.  Then I paused.  They looked like radishes, but were they really ok to eat?!  I can't explain it, but there was just something about having grown them myself that made me think..hmm...is that really food?!  I think it's because I didn't dig them up and find them securely sealed in a shiny, plastic package with a label saying 'radishes' and use by date on it.  The growing process is so far removed from the shops that it just felt a bit strange.  It's easy to go to a shop that belongs to someone else and trust their judgement as they label food fit for consumption and tell you that it's ready to eat, but is it always so easy as to make that judgement about things that you do yourself?

I saw that this can be applied to art.  Often it can be easy to appreciate the skill or work of others but we can find it hard to recognise or admit that the work made by our own hands is good too.  Showing people work that you have been a part of making can make you feel vulnerable and you may find you defend yourself before anyone has said anything, pointing out that "It's not finished yet" or "I'm not pleased with that part of it yet" or "I made a mistake there..."  I doubt we would be so quick to criticize the work which someone else made.

In the past I used to find it very difficult to see that what I drew was good.  Sometimes a part of me felt pleased with it but it's almost like I tried to crush those feelings because surely anyone who feels pleased with work they have done or thinks it is good is proud or arrogant?  This is not the case.  Over the years, God has helped me to see that he made me, and he did a wonderful job.  The Psalmist writes:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous - and how well I know it." 
Psalm 139:13-14

When God made me, he gave me different gifts and skills and over the years he has helped me to work on these skills so that they have grown into something good.  It is like the radish seed, God made the seed and the soil, he made it to grow and to produce fruit.  I was given the responsibility to water it, the rest was in God's hands.  It's like this with art, God put the gift and desire to do art within me like a little seed.  Over the years I have 'watered' this gift as I have practiced, prayed and drawn closer to God.  My skills have developed, though they did not come from me, and now they have grown into something strong which can be used for good.  I have not yet reached my full potential, but I get closer every day that I exercise these gifts and continue to grow closer to God.   Although I have a part to play in sharpening these gifts and skills, my confidence is not in myself, my confidence is always in God.  I can see the work that is made through my hands is good, not because of me, but because of God and what he has put and grown in me. 

You may or may not be interested in art, but whatever your gifts or interests, the message is the same; God made you and he made you wonderfully.  It's ok to believe you are beautiful, because God made you beautifully and you were born beautiful.  It is ok to believe that you have good qualities, because he put those qualities in you.  It is ok to believe that you are gifted, because he gave you those gifts for a reason.  He has put different gifts and abilities in each of us and if we water them, he will grow them into something strong and beautiful that can be used for his glory.  It is ok to recognise that the work that God has done through you is good, just make sure you give him the glory and know that it is he, not us, that makes it good.  The gardener is the one who makes the seeds grow and that is why he is my confidence and success.

Soli Deo Gloria.